He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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