i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
