I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You are a genius and a whore.
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