just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
