Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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