Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
