My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
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When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
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It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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