Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
