I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
