It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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