Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
