Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
