Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
