we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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