so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
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