theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
