The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
