Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
