Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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