He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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