Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
