This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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