So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
