i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize