It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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