Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
