I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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