I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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