i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
My life is pants optional.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
