so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
