I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
