it's not cheating when I paid for it
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
