Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
