DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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