The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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