We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
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