i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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