I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
