The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
