im six kinds of drunk right now
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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