Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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