Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
