he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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