I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
third nipple confirmed
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
