Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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