i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
