I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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