Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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