I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
