I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Randomize
