i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
