Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
