last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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