You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
