It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Randomize
