Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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