can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
