dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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