I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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