K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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