I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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