Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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