I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
