At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
tell me about the fingering
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