cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
