how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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