I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Two words: nipple clamps
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