your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
