Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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