I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
