dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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