is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
