All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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