...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
