I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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