If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
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Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
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I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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