Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
